Different

In taoism, men and women are seen as uniquely different.

The yin/yang symbol represents the balancing of these differences; the perfect harmony of opposites.
Women are yin and men are yang; each has attributes unique and specific to their own gender.
These were never intended to be clichés or stereotypes; they arose through observation rather than thought.
Yin and yang are equal, yet different to one another.

Patronising

Male students will tend to go easy on female students. It is important not to give men a reason to do this.
Men may treat you with 'kid gloves' or speak to you in a condescending manner.
In our school, we discourage such behaviour.
Many instructors give women a false sense of reassurance. This is offensive and insulting.
Truth is essential.
You cannot hide the fact of your skill. It is either present or lacking. There is no ambiguity to it.

No real life assailant will cut a woman any slack.


Home life

Not all partners are supportive.
They may feel threatened.
Or they think that its cute for a woman to take up martial arts training.

Partners often tend to belittle or intimidate their wives and girlfriends when they learn that you are taking self defence classes.

Gender stereotyping

 Society has presented an image of women as being helpless.
This may have been replaced (to a small extent) in recent years with media stories of rough girls being arrested for fighting, but the overall perception of women remains the same.

When a woman enters a martial arts class, she is taking a brave step into a male-dominated arena.

You will be immediately faced with a whole range of unflattering associations, based purely upon gender.
Many men are reluctant to partner with a woman.
Women are generally considered to make ineffectual assailants.

Women in martial arts

Women typically do not fare too well in martial arts classes. Men have all of the natural advantages when it comes to violence:

1. Aggression
2. Familiarity with violence
3. Physical strength
4. Testosterone

In the external arts, these qualities count for a lot, and women usually flounder.
The schools compensate by having weight and gender categories, or by simply patronising female students.
This may work fine in the dojo, but no one in the street will let a woman off because she lacks their own physical strength.

Manners

Patterns of manners develop within social groups. 
They are refined over time until they reflect a way of living that is relevant to the society. 

Over the last 50 years in the west, there has been a drive to break down old barriers. 
A “brave new world” of egalitarianism and equality has been created.
This is reflected by the modern form of manners, which tends to be based on political correctness. 
The problem is that political correctness changes depending on the prevailing politics. 
It also tends to be imposed on society, rather than reflecting society.  

In the drive to get rid of behaviours that were seen to be unsuitable for the 20/21^st century (e.g. automatic deference to “higher classes”), we have eradicated a lot that made sense and gave life meaning. 
Is it right, or is it sexist, to hold a door open for a woman?  Should a person be respected because they have been on “reality TV”?

The drive to modernise in the east has not destroyed the need for respect or traditional manners.  
In the east they understand more the value of tradition. 
Behaviour is measured and considered. 
Human interaction is valued, and respect is important. 

In the west we often act without thinking, or with the arrogant assumption that what we do is right, or best. 
The “free-and-easy” approach of the west is often at odds with the more traditional east. 

This is rarely a problem when eastern manners meet western society, as little value is placed on manners in the west. 
A show of good manners may be accepted with awkwardness, condescension or misplaced humour.  

However, problems can arise when western manners meet eastern society
The seemingly gross and unthinking behaviour can show a lack of subtlety and sensitivity. 
Although displeasure will rarely be shown, the westerner may be viewed with disapproval. 

This can be a problem if a westerner wants to get close to anything in the east. 
Why should something be shared if appreciation is not shown in an appropriate way? 

This is, of course, a simplification of the situation. 
Many people in the west have good manners, and are sensitive to the cultures of others. 

Written by Andy Urwin

Beyond class

Self defence skills will teach you to approach situations differently; especially at work and in the street.
Instead of responding to aggression with aggression (or fear), you see more powerful alternatives.

Avoiding stress is good for your body and your mental health. The training will make you feel calm, confident and capable.

Social events

Social events are important to show that there is more to the class than training once or twice a week. 
They give students the opportunity to meet each other outside of the normal class environment. 
When we’re in the class, we all dress the same and are all focussed on Tai Chi. 

Outside the class each person has a rich and wonderful story to tell. 
By socialising we come to understand the depth that there is to each person in the class. 
Our respect for them grows (if we listen and are open). 

It is also a celebration of what we are studying and achieving together. 

Written by Andy Urwin

Without formal training, the larger and stronger naturally defeat the smaller and weaker. Therefore, a basic premise of training must be that the methods employed should make it possible for the smaller and weaker to defeat the larger and stronger.
(Tim Cartmell)

Uniform

The uniform puts you in the mood for training, whereas casual clothes will not have the same effect. 
Dressing like a kung fu student encourages you to act like one. 
It ensures a form of discipline and shows that you are taking your training seriously

In practical terms, the uniform was made for tai chi.  It gives the freedom to move as the art requires. 

 

Written by Andy Urwin

Fun

Training in our school is fun, friendly and gently challenging.
Many of the skills seem counter-intuitive.
We will invite you to consider new options, possibilities and choices. To drop long-held preconceptions.

Attitude and etiquette

The presence of attitude and etiquette in the school facilitates safety and efficient teaching. 
They give clarity about how to behave and what is expected in the school. 

This clarity allows people to focus on that is being taught and practiced, rather than how to behave. 

If people were not respectful and not paying attention, then the ability to be taught would be compromised. 
If people are not paying attention, then accidents can occur. 
Insensitive behaviour between students can result in someone feeling the need to “get even” or “teach someone a lesson”. 

Without a framework of attitude and etiquette, our safety and ability to be taught would be diminished. 

Written by Andy Urwin

Realism

Self defence training begins with the fundamentals of effective body use and slowly moves through different levels of threat.
Escaping from holds, evading and counter-attacking are preliminary concerns.
Eventually you must learn how to handle armed assailants and multiple opponents.

Gender

Many martial arts classes separate men and women. They even impose weight categories.
In real life you cannot choose who will attack you.
In order to cope with a male attacker, women's self defence must address attacks from both men and women.

Shibashi

I came across a style of tai chi today called 'shibashi' which I'd never heard of. On deeper reading it was apparent that this is not a style of tai chi at all but rather a form of qigong that people are calling tai chi. Confused? So was I.

Apparently many of the teachers gain their experience via DVDs and on-line training courses. Great.

Manners

Manners are a framework of norms that have been developed by a social group. 
They are meant to smooth interactions and reduce misunderstandings between people. 

Different social groups have developed their own framework of manners, based on their situation and their needs. 
This can be a problem when two groups interact, as what is normal for one social group may be insulting to another. 
For example:

-          Sitting with your legs crossed is normal for a westerner. 
It would upset someone from the east, as you are pointing the sole of your foot (very dirty) towards them. 

-          In the UK grief is expressed by the colour black; in China, white. 

-          In the east, flicking the hand backwards and forwards with the fingers pointing downwards means “come here”. 
In the west it means “go away”. 

-          In Japan, “Yes” may mean
                “Yes, I agree with you”,
                “Yes, I have heard what you say, but do not agree with you” or
                “Yes, I will have to go and talk to my boss about this” (and many more possibilities). 
This can be very confusing for westerners. 

Even within a single social group, manners may depend on the situation. 

-          What is acceptable behaviour at a social gathering may not be acceptable in a place of worship. 

-          It may be acceptable to talk while watching a film on the TV at home, but not in a cinema. 

-          Your attitude towards your boss at work may be different to that at your office Christmas party.

Humans interpret their environment based on the “filters” they have built up during their development.
Our manners become “normalised” and even unconscious behaviour. 
We see things as we are. 

Because of this, problems can arise in two ways:

o    Acting in a way that is normal (for us), but is improper or offensive for those from a different background.  
Others can see us as being “rude”. 

o    Misinterpretation or misunderstanding of another groups behaviours, as we do not understand what is going on. 
We can see them as being “rude”.

Initially, some tolerance towards the behaviours of another person or group is beneficial. 
Any slight or transgression of the social norms are probably due to ignorance. 
Over time, however, a person in an alien environment would be expected to learn the social norms of the host group. 

In situations where you are aware that your socialised manners may be at odds with the situation that you are in or the people you are with, it is often best to be careful with your words and gestures, and observe how other people behave.  Ask questions if you are not sure, as people are often happy to answer your questions, as it show that you are taking an interest in them and their culture. 

Written by Andy Urwin



Clarity

The side effects of unpleasant situations are fear and panic. These immobilise the body and prevent clear thinking.
Self defence training encourages composure and mental clarity.
Instead of feeling vulnerable and exposed, you become integrated and focussed.

Empowerment

The ability to defend yourself is important in modern society.
There are many ugly situations in which conflict may arise.
Having the confidence and the skills to handle aggression, bullying and violence is invaluable.

Size and strength do not necessarily determine a person's ability to defend themselves - small women have been known to successfully fight off a bigger and stronger attacker. Many women are fitter, brighter and quicker than their male counterparts.
(Barry Davies, SAS)

Perspective

When you see a bully for what they really are, you will come to find them embarrassing.
A bully is a weak, insecure person, desperate to feel strong about themselves.
Instead of looking for strength within, they lash out at others and rely upon fear for power.

When you give them humour and pity rather than fear, the bully has no teeth.
If a bully were genuinely strong, they would have nothing to prove. They need you to validate them.