Manners are a framework of norms that have been developed by
a social group.
They are meant to smooth interactions and reduce misunderstandings between
people.
Different social groups have developed their own framework
of manners, based on their situation and their needs.
This can be a problem when two groups interact, as what is normal for one
social group may be insulting to another.
For example:
-
Sitting with your legs crossed is normal for a
westerner.
It would upset someone from the east, as you are pointing the sole of your foot
(very dirty) towards them.
-
In the UK grief is expressed by the colour
black; in China, white.
-
In the east, flicking the hand backwards and
forwards with the fingers pointing downwards means “come here”.
In the west it means “go away”.
-
In Japan, “Yes” may mean
“Yes, I agree with you”,
“Yes, I have heard what
you say, but do not agree with you” or
“Yes, I will have to go
and talk to my boss about this” (and many more possibilities).
This can be very confusing for westerners.
Even within a single social group, manners may depend on the
situation.
-
What is acceptable behaviour at a social
gathering may not be acceptable in a place of worship.
-
It may be acceptable to talk while watching a
film on the TV at home, but not in a cinema.
-
Your attitude towards your boss at work may be
different to that at your office Christmas party.
Humans interpret their environment based on the “filters”
they have built up during their development.
Our manners become “normalised” and even unconscious behaviour.
We see things as we are.
Because of this, problems can arise in two ways:
o Acting
in a way that is normal (for us), but is improper or offensive for those from a
different background.
Others can see us as being “rude”.
o Misinterpretation
or misunderstanding of another groups behaviours, as we do not understand what
is going on.
We can see them as being “rude”.
Initially, some tolerance towards the behaviours of another
person or group is beneficial.
Any slight or transgression of the social norms are probably due to
ignorance.
Over time, however, a person in an alien environment would be expected to learn
the social norms of the host group.
In situations where you are aware that your socialised
manners may be at odds with the situation that you are in or the people you are
with, it is often best to be careful with your words and gestures, and observe
how other people behave. Ask questions
if you are not sure, as people are often happy to answer your questions, as it
show that you are taking an interest in them and their culture.
Written by Andy Urwin